Be You!

What does it mean to be you?

I have been having a lot of people comment saying “just be you” but what does that really mean, really. What does it mean to be me? I posted about an article about #childist and raising “theybies” this is what I said pretainting to my prespective;Humm…I definitely was a non-binary kid and what I can say about the reactions I got from adults and peers was basically “I should feel guilty and ashamed of my self” and that I was essentially making my life harder for myself, the truth of that is what made life unbearable was trying to worry about what other people thought who were worried about what other people thought, which is true insanity! And I turned myself into a people pleaser. And so people who I thought loved me, didn’t even ever know me, because I failed to exist. It’s been a hard transition for the people closest to me to find out I haven’t been me for many years, and see me grow. So fuck making your kid fit in. Im truly sick of being ashamed of my past when I was just myself. It’s really not a threat. It never was.

I have been slowly coming out as myself. After I figured out I was queer, and most definitely romantic encounters and crushes on the females as well as Ftm people and MtF and my spouse of 16 years who goes by they/them is non-binary and was AMAB (assigned male at birth), and is the baby daddy of our biological children we both live with on our bus. this is how I figured out I am Pansexual.

So me being me is allowing my self to claim an live my Pansexuality!

So that’s not all, being Pansexual only is about my sexuality and not at all about my gender…I have to say this because there is often confusion about sexuality and gender as being realted to eachoteach but they simply not the same thing …..AFAB (assigned female at birth), Transgender, (intersex me personally having an intersex parent, which is biological) and finally genderqueer

So how is it that I am Ftm transgender and genderqueer. Well that leads us to how I choose the pronouns that I feel most comfortable with, we is they/ them and beyond that I most prefer for people to just simply use my choose name, Andie when referring to me. I have most recently been called “brother” however I prefer not to take sides and ask to be called “sibling” it’s just less trying in general and I don’t honestly feel comfortable with the roles that I get grouped into when siding with female or male.

So how is it that I am Ftm ? Which means yes I have been transitioning from female to male it is the process from getting away from my perviouly assigned gender, female. Where I have certainly spent enough time, I need more experiences as male to be more in the middle to truly experience my gender expression. I may stop my HRT therapy at some point where I feel I need to and possibly go back to it. I am very interested and excited in my personal experience as myself where I don’t give myself over to others judgements, critisms, uneducated and or missinformed opinions.

To be myself is a test of strength and self love. The deeper I dig the more I reveal about who am I, and that includes being in a place of self acceptence. This transition isn’t all hormones, dysphoria, pronouns, labels, and presentation. The work is the most important to my person, the internal work is work and it’s been intense. And to truly be in myself as a healthy happy individual is the main goal. Then I can and am being an example to other peoples as how to be you.